Marisha

05 Mindfulness
[00:00:00] Laura: Hey, Marisha.
[00:00:01] Marisha: Hey, Laura.
[00:00:01] Laura: So when I say mindfulness, what do you think of?
[00:00:05] Marisha: I've had an interesting journey with mindfulness, and I know a lot of you listening will maybe be in the same boat that I was in. I majored in psychology as an undergrad and I had the opportunity to take a seminar on mindfulness with one of the top researchers in the field, which was really cool.
And so I learned all of the research. I had some really great experiences in the classroom, and I really enjoyed it, but I could not get into a consistent implementation of it. I feel like outside of that setting, I had a really hard time generalizing it and I was also like, "Oh, mindfulness isn't for me. It's for other people." It was just really interesting navigating that and now it's like a huge part of my self-care. It's been really interesting seeing that journey.
[00:00:55] Laura: Yeah, that is interesting. What do you think got in your way of, you [00:01:00] know, classroom versus self?
Was it just like your brain was just going or?
[00:01:04] Marisha: Yeah, my brain just moves a mile a minute. Yeah. There's always chatter going on in there.
And yeah.
[00:01:11] Laura: I think it's interesting when we think about mindfulness, I think some people think of mindfulness as clearing your mind of everything, and it has to be completely empty.
And that's what mindfulness is.
[00:01:22] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:01:22] Laura: And they think, if I don't do it right, why am I gonna do it? Like I know I can be that way. Like, "Oh, if I can't do it right, then I'm not gonna do it at all."
[00:01:32] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:01:32] Laura: As opposed to just making space. Right?
[00:01:36] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:01:36] Laura: Being aware of what's going on inside of you and giving it space without judgment.
[00:01:42] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:01:42] Laura: And that curiosity that we've talked about for mindfulness, just being aware of what's going on and accepting it.
[00:01:48] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:01:49] Laura: Instead of being frustrated by it or upset that we reacted that way, or, you know, just wanting to push it away and not deal with it. Yeah, mindfulness, I think just gives you like that [00:02:00] space.
So you mentioned research that you learned about in your seminar, and there is a ton of research around mindfulness and how powerful it is for managing stress anxiety. It helps us improve our focus and our attention. It enhances our relationships with others. It helps us with that self-reflection and self-awareness.
It helps us reduce negative thought patterns. Cause sometimes we can get into that routine of just letting our thoughts drive things without actually backing up. And you can decide what you're going to think about. And sometimes we let our minds run away as opposed to giving that space to be like, "Is that really how I wanna think about this?"
[00:02:44] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:02:45] Laura: Capturing those thoughts and thinking about things a different way, which is something we can do. So if we aren't being mindful, we can just let those negative thought patterns go. And also staying present and engaged in the current moment, which, when we talk about [00:03:00] gratitude and self-reflection and things like that, it's very hard to find moments where you're grateful for something if you're stuck in these negative thought patterns.
Or you're thinking about the next thing you have to do instead of being present in the moment. So mindfulness really helps that as well. So now that we've talked about some of the things that it can do for you in terms of your physical health and your emotional health and your focus and attention, what can we do to improve our mindfulness?
I know you said you've been on a journey. Have you found anything that's helped you improve your ability to stay mindful and have a practice of mindfulness?
[00:03:35] Marisha: I've tried different meditation apps and I've used a handful over the years and they've been helpful in different seasons.
Headspace is one.
[00:03:45] Laura: Mm-hmm.
[00:03:46] Marisha: Insight Timer is another one.
Do you have any other favorite ones?
[00:03:50] Laura: I've done Headspace. I like that a lot.
And spiritual practices are really big for me.
[00:03:56] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:03:57] Laura: So I have my own spiritual practices of [00:04:00] devotionals and journals and things that I do to help me stay mindful and check in.
[00:04:03] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:04:04] Laura: With how I'm doing. So I find that really helpful. And, you know, regardless of people's spiritual beliefs and backgrounds, mindfulness is embedded in so many different spiritual pursuits. So it's definitely something I think that people, depending on where they're at, can find little inroads to in their belief system.
[00:04:22] Marisha: Yeah. And I think that the apps that I mentioned have guided meditations and so that helps. Especially in the beginning, if I were to like sit down and set a timer for five minutes and like, "Okay, Marisha, meditate now" I would not have had any success. I think the guided meditations are really helpful, especially as a starting point because they kind of walk you through it.
And for me, I try to have just quiet time. Like if I go for a walk, I don't put in my earbuds. Sometimes I will wanna listen to music or I wanna listen to a podcast while I walk, but usually walks are my quiet time.
Instead of getting [00:05:00] so much in my own head I'll notice what I see and what I smell and just take in what I am seeing versus getting stuck in my head.
[00:05:10] Laura: Did you know that mindful walking is actually a research-based practice?
[00:05:13] Marisha: Yeah, I've read about that a little bit.
[00:05:15] Laura: Yeah, it's really cool and paying attention to what's going on in your body and your environment can help you be more present and focused, so that's definitely a good strategy.
How do you feel about yoga? Have you ever done yoga?
[00:05:26] Marisha: I have. I love the yoga where you're not really moving.
[00:05:31] Laura: Mm. Is it hatha yoga?
[00:05:33] Marisha: It's usually restorative yoga.
[00:05:35] Laura: Okay.
[00:05:35] Marisha: So you hold poses a little bit.
[00:05:37] Laura: Like the corpse pose for 15 minutes where you're just laying on the ground.
[00:05:41] Marisha: Yeah.
So that is my favorite part at the end of yoga classes where you just get to lay down very few minutes. But the restorative yoga is like bedtime yoga. It's usually later at night.
[00:05:54] Laura: Yeah.
[00:05:54] Marisha: I don't slow down probably as much as I as much would [00:06:00] benefit me.
I was gonna say as much as I should, but I feel like I could probably benefit from a little bit more slowing down and those classes have just helped me kinda slow down a little bit.
[00:06:10] Laura: Yeah. I love yoga. I love the intention of breathing with movement.
[00:06:15] Marisha: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
[00:06:16] Laura: And I love the messages that they give you in yoga. Like I had a yoga instructor, I loved her. And she would say, "Right here, right now is the only place you need to be."
[00:06:26] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:06:26] Laura: And I will repeat that to myself at times at work.
[00:06:29] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:06:29] Laura: And when I'm with kids in session, and if my kids are around and I find my mind going to the next 20 things on my list or what I have to do tomorrow and the week after that, I'll just say, "You know what, Laura, right here, right now is the only place you need to be."
[00:06:44] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:06:44] Laura: And just the practice of yoga allows me to take that deep cleansing breath in that moment, really take in my environment. And I love the movement and I love to stretch and you know, all those kind of the yoga flows.
I really like that. So it's definitely a way that you can [00:07:00] practice mindfulness in yoga and then bring that into your daily life.
[00:07:05] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:07:06] Laura: How about mindful breathing? I mean, that's part of yoga.
[00:07:09] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:07:09] Laura: As SLPs we kind of have an extra little benefit of, we know how the breathing system works.
We know how the diaphragm pushes out the belly and how to fill the belly. And we, you know, a lot of times we'll teach our students, if they have voice issues or other kinds of issues, how their vocal mechanisms work.
[00:07:27] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:07:28] Laura: So we kind of have an inside track on the breathing.
[00:07:30] Marisha: We do.
[00:07:30] Laura: Yeah.
[00:07:31] Marisha: So the journal that I use for my morning practice, and I'll include a link in the show notes too, but they have little breathing exercise suggestions. So that's something that, in the morning, I try to do that.
But it's incredible. If I'm feeling overwhelmed, it's incredible how much just doing some box breathing or using whatever breathing technique can [00:08:00] really help.
[00:08:00] Laura: Yeah.
[00:08:01] Marisha: With regulating things.
If you're not familiar, so box breathing is where you breathe in.
[00:08:07] Laura: Breathe in for four. Hold for four. Out for four.
[00:08:09] Marisha: Yeah. And then hold for four, then breathe in. Hold, breathe out, hold. And yeah, that's really calming.
[00:08:16] Laura: It is very calming. And it's amazing the research around how little we take deep breaths, right? And how we usually use that shallow breathing. And this isn't really related to mindfulness, but I have tried breath work, which is a deeper investigation into breathing and how breathing can help connect you.
[00:08:34] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:08:35] Laura: You know, to the body. So we can maybe put some resources in the show notes if people wanna explore breath work on their own. It can be a way to help you connect to breath.
[00:08:43] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:08:43] Laura: In a powerful way and connect you to your body.
[00:08:45] Marisha: Yeah. I actually just did a really powerful breath work exercise. The woman who facilitated that actually made a breath work app called Mastry. So we can add that in the show notes too.
[00:08:58] Laura: That'd be great. And when we talk about [00:09:00] resources too, a lot of this mindfulness practice, you don't even need an app. You can just Google, you know, go on YouTube
[00:09:06] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:09:06] Laura: And search for a mindful minute or some breath work or yoga, and you'll find so many free resources. If it's something that you wanna try.
[00:09:14] Marisha: Okay.
[00:09:15] Laura: And you know, Mindfulness can happen in all kinds of moments. I've tried to, I don't know if you have an Apple watch like I do, but there's like a hand washing timer on it and it's 30 seconds, and I know like healthy hand washing is like 20 seconds technically, but it's amazing how long 30 seconds can feel and even allowing myself time to smell the soap. Feel the warm water on my hands and be mindful in that moment when we're often rushing from session to session and don't give ourselves time to go to the bathroom.
[00:09:48] Marisha: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
[00:09:48] Laura: Can be a mindful 30 seconds for me that I'm trying to like, just remind myself when I wash my hands to take a deep breath, to be in the moment, to enjoy the feeling of the [00:10:00] warmth of the water and the soap, and take that time.
[00:10:02] Marisha: What would you say to the SLPs who are listening to this, and they're thinking, "Well, I don't have time to add 30 seconds to my bathroom break, or my days are so busy, like how do I do that?"
What would you say?
[00:10:16] Laura: Yeah, I would say a lot of the things that we talk about is an offering, you know, and if you're happy with where you're at and you're content and you don't feel stressed and overwhelmed and anxious and you don't feel like you need it, then we are just offering an opportunity for you to think maybe a little bit differently.
And 30 seconds isn't a lot of time. And so to try it next time you wash your hands, to take the time to slow down, to take a deep breath and see how you feel.
[00:10:45] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:10:46] Laura: And if it's not for you, it's okay, you know? But just an offering of something to consider and you can stick with how you're doing it, if that's what you wanna do.
Yeah. That's okay too.
[00:10:56] Marisha: And if you are a minute or [00:11:00] two late to picking up a student, but you are taken care of.
[00:11:05] Laura: Mm.
[00:11:05] Marisha: I feel like though that minute of missed therapy, how much more present you'll feel and you'll be able to show up as a better
[00:11:14] Laura: yes.
[00:11:14] Marisha: SLP. And so yeah, you might have 28 minutes instead of 30 minutes with a student, but the quality of those 28 minutes could be that much better.
[00:11:24] Laura: Absolutely. It's almost like, you know how they say love multiplies?
[00:11:28] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:11:28] Laura: Right? It doesn't divide, it's not subtractive. As you learn to love and then you love someone else, it multiplies. And I feel like this is the same kind of thing, you know, it's not like a subtraction kind of equation where you're taking away. You're actually investing in, and that multiplies out dividends. You know, when you invest that little bit of time in yourself, your own self care, you know, really taking the time to reduce that stress and anxiety. And you're right, you just show up better for yourself, for your relationships, for your students, and they'll feel it, [00:12:00] right?
And then you'll have hopefully a day that you can find more of those joy moments and feel more joy in your day because you did take that 30 seconds.
[00:12:07] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:12:08] Laura: Yeah.
[00:12:09] Marisha: Yeah. I love that.
[00:12:10] Laura: Yeah. So let us know how you do with your mindful practice if you have one. If there's things you're finding helpful, please share it with us and let us know how it's going.
Yeah, I'd love to hear.
​

04 Gratitude
[00:00:00] Laura: So, Marisha, when I say gratitude, what do you think of?
[00:00:05] Marisha: Being grateful?
[00:00:07] Laura: Well, that was an obvious answer. Have you ever had a gratitude practice?
[00:00:12] Marisha: Yes, I learned about gratitude several years ago now. But I was using a journal that had a section to write down gratitude. And I found that I was a little skeptical at first, but I found that when I started doing that, I just felt so much better throughout the day.
[00:00:37] Laura: Yeah. So did you do it in the morning?
[00:00:39] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:00:39] Laura: That is really neat. Yeah. I mean, it's not new. I feel like the gratitude practices have been around for decades.
[00:00:48] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:00:48] Laura: For sure. But what's really cool is that the science is actually catching up with the practice.
[00:00:53] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:00:53] Laura: And there's been these really large scale studies about the impact gratitude has on our brains and actually [00:01:00] shifting our perspective.
Because what we focus on is often what we see.
[00:01:05] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:01:06] Laura: And so by focusing more on gratitude, it can actually change how our brain perceives things.
[00:01:11] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:01:12] Laura: Which is really kind of neat.
[00:01:13] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:01:13] Laura: Um, all of that science, there's some major areas that gratitude can help us improve. And the first one is improved mood.
And I think you kind of hinted at that.
[00:01:23] Marisha: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
[00:01:24] Laura: You talked about your own gratitude practice. Gratitude improves our mood, increases positive emotions, and a lot of the recent studies that have come out, they've shown that individuals who practice gratitude on a regular basis experience greater happiness and life satisfaction.
And I don't know about you, but I want greater happiness and life satisfaction.
[00:01:45] Marisha: Yeah, that sounds pretty good.
[00:01:46] Laura: Yeah, I'll sign up for that.
[00:01:46] Marisha: I like that.
[00:01:47] Laura: Yeah. I know when I started practicing gratitude, sometimes I got into some generalizations and it almost felt like I was writing the same things every day, especially [00:02:00] when I was having more challenging days.
Did you ever feel that way?
[00:02:03] Marisha: Sometimes it did feel hard to get into the gratitude mindset. I'm grateful for my house. I guess.
[00:02:14] Laura: Maybe.
[00:02:15] Marisha: A little begruding gratitude, which is so sad because there are so many things to be grateful for, but I've definitely been in the space where I just couldn't see it.
[00:02:27] Laura: Yeah.
[00:02:27] Marisha: Or it was hard to see it.
[00:02:29] Laura: I think when I first started practicing gratitude too, I'm very much task oriented and like wanna do things the right way.
[00:02:36] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:02:36] Laura: And I think the first time I was exposed to gratitude, it was like write 10 things and I
[00:02:41] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:02:41] Laura: Felt so overwhelmed in the beginning to try and come up with 10 things because I wanted to do it right and it had to be a certain way.
[00:02:48] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:02:48] Laura: That it kind of took the joy and happiness out of the gratitude practice even.
[00:02:52] Marisha: I can totally relate to doing things that are supposed to help us, but just getting so [00:03:00] task oriented of running through. I used to have a bunch of tasks in my morning routine. I just tried to get these done and it was not supporting me.
So, yeah.
[00:03:10] Laura: I needed the little push to start to think about it so that
[00:03:14] Marisha: yeah
[00:03:14] Laura: I was looking for those
[00:03:16] Marisha: mm-hmm
[00:03:16] Laura: very specific moments of gratitude during my day, but taking away any kind of list or had to be, or had to look like a certain number really helped me. The science doesn't say it has to look a certain way.
[00:03:33] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:03:33] Laura: Really framing, looking for things to, you know, note that you're grateful for at the end of the day or in the morning or things you're looking forward to, changes what we're looking at and what we're looking for.
[00:03:45] Marisha: Yeah.
And I think it helped me instead of making that big list of 10 things you're grateful for today.
When I knew that every morning I was going to write a little gratitude statement, [00:04:00] I started looking for those special moments in the day.
And for me, I think it was most helpful to think about what's a special moment that I'm grateful for? So like in the speech room, and this doesn't happen every day, but it might be as big as a kiddo saying their first word.
[00:04:18] Laura: Yes.
[00:04:18] Marisha: Those moments are... Or when you really connect with a student.
And I've started to experience so many more of those when I started putting on that lens and looking for it. It doesn't have to be anything super elaborate. A student made you laugh or
[00:04:37] Laura: Yes.
[00:04:37] Marisha: There was a good conversation with a teacher.
[00:04:40] Laura: Yeah. The science has shown that gratitude reduces stress.
[00:04:44] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:04:44] Laura: And I know we have so many responsibilities in our days as SLPs with planning and data collection. And we can put a lot on ourselves to do it right and to get it all done, that we can miss out on looking [00:05:00] for those little opportunities of connection with our students.
And when you are looking for them so that you can document them, it changes and the frame of how you're looking at what you're doing and the opportunities that you have within your day.
[00:05:13] Marisha: It almost feels like you're romanticizing your life.
[00:05:20] Laura: Hmm.
[00:05:20] Marisha: In those moments, it almost feels like I'm in a movie.
I don't know if you've ever had that sensation, but you just fully take in the the specialness of the moment. When we're working with students, we have so many of those, even with the students that might stretch us a little bit.
[00:05:42] Laura: Yes.
[00:05:43] Marisha: Those moments are even bigger.
[00:05:44] Laura: Absolutely.
I think when you shift your attention away from kind of those negative thoughts and emotions, you know, even reframing that student that you're struggling to connect with, and we can get ourselves anxious around them. You know, it's almost 2:30 on Thursday [00:06:00] and that group is coming to me. How can we look for those moments of gratitude and reframe the little connections? You know, we might not make these huge leaps with that group, but just that small little step and to be grateful for it and to hold it.
You know, and to just say "I'm gonna be grateful for that moment" is really awesome.
[00:06:19] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:06:20] Laura: Gratitude has also been found to increase resilience in the face of adversity.
[00:06:24] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:06:25] Laura: When you're faced with that difficult situation or that difficult group or that meeting that you're maybe not looking forward to, that you're anticipating there could be some conflict.
People who practice gratitude are better able to cope with those difficult situations and bounce back from those setbacks. So not to romanticize it, it's not like you're not gonna have those difficulties.
[00:06:46] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:06:46] Laura: But can you look at the learning opportunity within that difficult opportunity or stretch yourself? If you are struggling to connect with a student, how can I do something a little bit different to connect with that [00:07:00] student and then be grateful for whatever those moments are that I have the opportunity to learn.
Despite what the outcome might be.
[00:07:06] Marisha: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
[00:07:08] Laura: Gratitude has been shown to improve relationships. I know for me, like in my personal relationships, in my marriage and my friendships, you can definitely come across some difficult moments for sure.
[00:07:21] Marisha: More than some.
[00:07:22] Laura: Yeah.
[00:07:23] Marisha: A lot of difficult moments.
[00:07:24] Laura: Depending on the day, right?
But to step back and say, you know, even in the difficult moments there is gratitude there that we worked this out or we had this opportunity to grow to know each other better or
[00:07:37] Marisha: mm-hmm
[00:07:38] Laura: helped me to build this skill within myself of resilience.
[00:07:41] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:07:42] Laura: And again, not making it attached to the outcome, but to the journey and enjoying the journey, I think is important.
[00:07:49] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:07:50] Laura: So people who practice gratitude experience greater feelings of social support and connection, which is really cool.
[00:07:57] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:07:58] Laura: They can have improved physical [00:08:00] health. Gratitude has been found to have physical health benefits, reducing inflammation in your system, improving the quality of your sleep, and boosting the immune system.
I don't know about you, but if I'm in a negative space, my brain can just start going.
[00:08:14] Marisha: Oh yeah.
[00:08:15] Laura: And it can keep me up at night.
[00:08:16] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:08:17] Laura: Just thinking about those things. And so the gratitude practice for me, something I close my day with to have a look back on the day and find those little moments, if I can leave that as the last thing that I'm thinking about, it really helps me drift off to sleep a little bit easier.
[00:08:34] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:08:36] Laura: And gratitude has been linked to overall wellbeing, increased life satisfaction, greater sense of purpose, and greater sense of meaning in life.
[00:08:45] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:08:45] Laura: That's really cool.
[00:08:46] Marisha: That's very cool.
So if there's an SLP listening who hasn't really implemented gratitude practice, what are some ways that that could look like?
So I shared that's part of my [00:09:00] morning routine. I jot down some of my gratitude. And you said you do yours before bed. Do you write it down?
[00:09:07] Laura: I do, yeah. I have a reflection journal. Actually I'm a reader and journaler morning and night. I journal a lot if I'm really struggling at work or stressed out at work, I have a little journal that I keep right at my desk. So I actually really like to write down those moments with students moments of connection during the day.
[00:09:26] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:26] Laura: So I might even just write them on my data sheet or if I take a break while I'm doing other things at work, I might write something in my journal just to help me work things out. I'll write them down.
[00:09:37] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:38] Laura: I think it's important to know that gratitude is a scientifically researched and supportive way to help you feel more joyful in your day. And so it's a great practice to try, but it doesn't have to look one way.
[00:09:51] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:52] Laura: And it's okay if it's one or two things one day and 10 or 20 things the next.
[00:09:58] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:58] Laura: I think getting specific is [00:10:00] really what's important and really highlighting those specific points of gratitude.
[00:10:04] Marisha: Instead of being, I'm grateful for my job, I'm grateful for my house, I'm grateful for my spouse. I think looking for those specific moments
[00:10:12] Laura: Yes.
[00:10:12] Marisha: I think both of our experience shows that that's very impactful.
[00:10:16] Laura: Yeah.
[00:10:16] Marisha: And it feels more like genuine and I think it helps us be more joyful in the moment.
[00:10:23] Laura: And not to say we're not grateful for our spouses and houses and jobs. We are.
[00:10:26] Marisha: Absolutely.
[00:10:27] Laura: But those moments of, I am so grateful that I have this peaceful space.
[00:10:32] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:10:32] Laura: You know, in front of my fireplace with my favorite blanket that's soft.
[00:10:36] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:10:36] Laura: To just decompress for a few minutes today. That was a grateful moment in that that day.
[00:10:41] Marisha: Can you imagine yourself just like soaking that in, like it makes the actual moment that much better and it has all of those other benefits that you talked about.
So we can write it in a journal. We could think about it. One thing that helped me when I was struggling, [00:11:00] whenever I walked into the door of the school, when I was walking in to go to work, I would think back to one moment that I was grateful for the previous day.
Or you could do the same thing when you're walking out the door.
If you're not a big writer, I think that could be a fun way to do that too, but I think there is something really powerful about writing it down.
[00:11:22] Laura: There is something powerful about writing for sure, and I think it's something we can bring into our practices too as SLPs.
I know as an administrator, I would start any kind of team meeting that I had with my special education staff with moments of gratitude.
[00:11:34] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:11:35] Laura: We would end gratitude. A lot of schools that I've worked at have had like staff positive things.
[00:11:41] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:11:42] Laura: You know, staff high fives or thoughtful Thursdays, I think teachers do it in their classrooms a lot.
[00:11:46] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:11:47] Laura: I think it's something that we can bring into our small groups with our students of moments of gratitude. And I've even brought it into IEP meetings. So depending on your role, if you're running your own IEP meeting.
I think a lot of parents come in with anxiety around what they're [00:12:00] going to hear about their student.
[00:12:01] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:12:01] Laura: And it's really difficult for them to sit through all the things that are impacted by their child's disability. So to start a meeting with, I'm so grateful for your child and the smile that he shares with me and the hard work that he's put in and these moments that I got to share with him, I think is such a gift to our families that we work with too. And something that we can bring into the practice that we have. And it is a practice, you know, we're not looking for perfection. It's how can we practice this and bring it into our lives because it does help us look at things through maybe not a more focused lens on the, all the things that are going wrong.
[00:12:36] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:12:36] Laura: I think our brains are tilted towards those negative stories.
[00:12:40] Marisha: It's so much easier.
[00:12:41] Laura: It's so much easier.
[00:12:43] Marisha: And it's kind of fun sometimes, but it's also very, very painful at times. So yeah, the gratitude feels a little bit better all around.
[00:12:50] Laura: Definitely feels better. I agree.
[00:12:53] Marisha: We shared a bunch of benefits of implementing gratitude, and just I'll do a quick recap of some of the [00:13:00] strategies.
Journaling in the morning, or before bed, throughout the day.
[00:13:03] Laura: When you're having that tough day, you could go back and read through it. Yeah.
[00:13:06] Marisha: Yeah. I love that. And just having it on your desk or by your therapy table so you can jot those things down as they come up.
Oh, that'd be so beautiful. I love that.
[00:13:15] Laura: Yes.
[00:13:15] Marisha: Deciding, okay, when I walk out the door to leave for work, I'm gonna think of one moment that I was grateful for throughout the day.
Or when you're starting a meeting with teachers or an IEP meeting, or even with our students and our groups, we can ask them something that they're grateful for.
I think that would be a great strategy if we feel like we're struggling on a particular day. Or our students are struggling. That can be like a great thing that we use to support each other.
[00:13:45] Laura: Yes. It's another way that we can be culture changers.
[00:13:48] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:13:48] Laura: You know, wherever we are to bring that sense of gratitude with us and to model it.
[00:13:52] Marisha: Yeah.
And maybe if we see a teacher in the break room, what's something that you're grateful for today?
[00:13:58] Laura: Yeah. Just one moment [00:14:00] that you can tell me about. That could really shift things in a teacher's room.
[00:14:04] Marisha: Yeah. Yeah. I love that.
[00:14:07] Laura: Yeah.
[00:14:08] Marisha: Well that's gratitude.
[00:14:10] Laura: I'm grateful for you.
[00:14:11] Marisha: I'm grateful for you and I'm just so grateful for the podcast and getting to connect with a bunch of SLPs through this.
[00:14:20] Laura: If you decide to try it, we'd love to hear about it.
[00:14:22] Marisha: Yeah, let us know.

03 Emotions
[00:00:00] Laura: Did you ever see the Disney movie Inside Out?
[00:00:01] Marisha: Yes.
[00:00:02] Laura: Did you like it?
[00:00:03] Marisha: I loved it.
[00:00:04] Laura: Yeah. Tell me a little bit about your upbringing with emotions. Was emotional talk a big part of your life?
[00:00:13] Marisha: I don't think so. I don't really remember talking about emotions very much. I remember when I was in fifth grade, I had a lot of emotions around friendships.
[00:00:25] Laura: Yes.
[00:00:25] Marisha: And my parents were very supportive. I remember crying about something that happened and they were there for me, but I don't think we labeled the emotions or had much kind of conversation around that specifically.
[00:00:44] Laura: Yeah. I think for me growing up, it always kind of felt like if you weren't okay, if you didn't feel okay or in a good space, you would just remove yourself.
[00:00:54] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:00:54] Laura: And when you were okay, then you could come back.
[00:00:56] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:00:57] Laura: But I also don't have memories of [00:01:00] having difficult emotional experiences and having conversations where I was given any framework to help me identify what those emotions might be.
[00:01:10] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:01:10] Laura: And then how to work through them and be supported through them.
I was loved and cared for, but like that part of, you know, my emotional life wasn't really a big part of growing up that I remember. And I very much grew to be a people pleaser, because I wanted everyone around me to be okay, because I felt like if you were okay, you were okay with me and then I could be okay.
And it took me many years to realize how really self-centered and selfish that was for me. Because even though it felt very giving, like I was always caring for everyone else, it was very self-motivated because it helped me feel better if I knew you were happy with me.
[00:01:52] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:01:53] Laura: And so I became really good at reading other people, seeing what they needed and what they wanted, anticipating their needs and providing it.[00:02:00]
And then I would feel resentful because I was always giving, giving, giving. And I think because of that, that part of my life of my emotional development was pretty stunted, even as an adult. And I came across this term. Have you ever heard of being emotionally differentiated?
[00:02:18] Marisha: I've heard you talk about it.
[00:02:20] Laura: Yeah. It came across my path maybe seven or eight years ago.
[00:02:25] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:02:25] Laura: So being emotionally differentiated is when you are aware of your own emotions, you can regulate your emotions. You can empathize, and you can communicate your emotions in a healthy way.
[00:02:37] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:02:38] Laura: So for me, I had become very ingrained and woven into other people's emotions.
So I was reading other people's emotions. And so when other people weren't happy with me, or even happy in general, it was like a instinct almost to try and make things okay for them without ever really reflecting on my [00:03:00] emotions.
[00:03:00] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:03:00] Laura: And so I found myself really disconnected from my body, what my body was telling me and being able to label it.
I kind of got stuck in that mad, sad, glad triad.
[00:03:11] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:03:11] Laura: And kind of got stuck in that and didn't have good labels for what I was feeling. And emotions were kind of scary for me.
[00:03:19] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:03:19] Laura: If I wasn't feeling okay, it wasn't really a place that I wanted to go.
[00:03:23] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:03:23] Laura: Because it felt like, I only should be okay.
[00:03:26] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:03:27] Laura: And if I wasn't okay, I wasn't really sure like what to do with that. I don't know if you have any experience with difficult emotions or struggles with that at all.
[00:03:39] Marisha: Yeah. So I've done like a lot of counseling and coaching around emotions and some of the takeaways that I've had...
I definitely had a hard time identifying emotions.
In the previous episode on self-reflection, I talked about how I have breaks [00:04:00] structured into my day to check in and see how I'm feeling, and we'll talk about more what we do with that. But that's something that I've had to learn and I'm still learning, and I can definitely relate to wanting to avoid certain emotions. This is a good emotion. This is a bad emotion.
[00:04:21] Laura: Yes.
[00:04:21] Marisha: But one thing that I've learned, and it's so fascinating when this happens.
I feel like my more common quote unquote negative emotion is sadness.
[00:04:32] Laura: Mm-hmm.
[00:04:32] Marisha: I don't feel a lot of anger generally, but it's interesting when I'm feeling really sad, I've learned or I've been told and I feel like I've integrated this. But emotions are a physiological response and when I am feeling really sad. Instead of like, "Oh, no, that's a bad emotion. I need to get rid of it. We need to stuff it away." Like, no sadness. No, no.[00:05:00] And just breathing through it and feeling it and really noticing it and allowing that sadness because it's there for a reason and it's teaching me something.
That's giving me an indicator of how I am and how I'm responding to a situation. And then by really leaning into it and feeling it, I can learn from that.
So that's my experience.
[00:05:24] Laura: A lot of the reading that I've done, they define emotion as energy in motion.
[00:05:29] Marisha: Oh yeah.
[00:05:30] Laura: And I love what you said about labeling it. I think we do ourselves a disservice when we label emotions as good or bad.
They're just energy.
[00:05:39] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:05:39] Laura: Moving through your body.
[00:05:40] Marisha: And they're teaching us something.
[00:05:41] Laura: They absolutely are. If we step back, self-reflect.
[00:05:45] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:05:45] Laura: You know, consider what that emotion means. It's been a very long journey for me to give my body that space. I am someone who would try and like separate from my body.
[00:05:57] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:05:57] Laura: And just ignore that emotion and shove it down. [00:06:00]
[00:06:00] Marisha: Oh yeah.
[00:06:00] Laura: And for many years I would just eat and shove it down with food.
[00:06:03] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:06:04] Laura: And move on with my day. And so I needed to learn a whole new vocabulary. And there are such beautiful nuanced words for emotions and what a gift as SLPs, because we understand the gradation of language.
[00:06:20] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:06:20] Laura: And how you can use different words to mean, you know, just a slight nuance of an expression. And feelings have those. Google " emotional wheels" and all those things.
So for me, learning to identify what am I feeling? Where is it coming from in my body? What is that energy telling me? How do I wanna label that?
[00:06:40] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:06:41] Laura: And what do I wanna do with it? Do I wanna feel that way, or do I wanna change how I'm feeling?
[00:06:46] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:06:46] Laura: And putting myself in the driver's seat of that.
[00:06:49] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:06:49] Laura: Has been really helpful. I know when I did the SLP Summit, I talked about an app that has really helped me, which is the Mood app.
[00:06:57] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:06:58] Laura: Dr. Brackett wrote a book called The [00:07:00] Permission to Feel, and it's a whole curriculum and framework that schools can implement. But I found it really helpful because it gave me language for emotion. And the Mood app is color coded and it has high energy, low energy, pleasant, unpleasant, and you can find the color and when you click on the color, it expands and gives you all kinds of other colors within that color, and you can play with the words to see, is that how I'm feeling? And really help yourself label it and then decide, do I wanna stay feeling that way, or do I wanna change how I'm feeling? And it will even give you suggestions of what you can do.
[00:07:34] Marisha: Yeah.
It guides you through that self-reflection process.
So just as an example, after the SLP Summit... It's always a very busy week. I love, love, love getting to connect with the presenters and the SLPs, and it's such a beautiful thing. But I'm also an introvert and so after Laura shared the app, I downloaded it and I was like, "Okay, let's check in and see how [00:08:00] I'm feeling."
Towards the end of Summit, I was going through the colors and the emotion that came up was drained.
[00:08:06] Laura: Mm-hmm.
[00:08:07] Marisha: I was feeling a little drained. I was kind of tired and I poured out a lot from my bucket.
[00:08:13] Laura: Yeah.
[00:08:13] Marisha: It was really beautiful because it prompted that reflection. Sometimes it's like, "Oh, I'm not familiar with that emotion. What do I do with it?"
[00:08:23] Laura: Yeah.
[00:08:23] Marisha: Sometimes we sit with it. Sometimes we don't need to do anything. We can just let it be and it'll dissipate, teach us what we need to know and go away. But I love that the app gives you some tactical things that you can do if you feel like you need a bucket filler. So one of the things that it recommended was to watch a funny movie, and I was like, "That is a brilliant idea." So that's what I did and it was a really supportive tool, and that was just one example of how it works. But yeah, I really like that.
[00:08:55] Laura: Yeah. And I found, I didn't realize how critical it was, not only [00:09:00] for me, like as my own personal growth.
[00:09:02] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:02] Laura: But for me, in my relationships and at work.
[00:09:05] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:05] Laura: There's such a huge push towards social emotional learning.
[00:09:08] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:08] Laura: For our students. But we can't model and grow in our students things we don't own for ourselves.
[00:09:15] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:15] Laura: And depending on how old you are and you know how old your parents are, or how you were raised, your experience with understanding your emotions. You know, self-reflecting on what your body is telling you and keying into the energy in your body, being comfortable and okay with whatever you feedback you get.
[00:09:34] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:34] Laura: Being able to bring that emotion into relationship has been huge for me and being okay to. Say, " This is how I'm feeling right now."
[00:09:43] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:43] Laura: And "This is what I need right now." For some of us can be, you know, really challenging and carving out that time to do the self-care based on our emotions. But then how do we model it for our students?
[00:09:54] Marisha: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
[00:09:55] Laura: You know, if we see interactions in our students and they're struggling, do we have [00:10:00] the skill to self-reflect so we can model that for them?
Cause it's such a huge part. I don't think we can leave social emotional skills just to our school adjustment counselors or our school psychologists. You know, it's all of our responsibilities to be able to model that for our students. And you can't model and put out a skill that you don't own.
[00:10:17] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:10:17] Laura: And have for yourself. And not that we're perfect at doing it all the time, but at least that we're growing in our ability to do that.
[00:10:23] Marisha: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:10:24] Laura: Yeah. So emotions can be challenging to recognize and label and know how to move through. But I think on the other side of that, we can feel so much more comfortable.
[00:10:35] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:10:36] Laura: Wherever we're at and know that I can be okay.
[00:10:40] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:10:40] Laura: Even if the other people around me are struggling. I can enter into that and now I can try and help them because I'm really worried about them.
[00:10:46] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:10:47] Laura: And I want them to be okay, not because I need them to be okay for me anymore.
[00:10:52] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:10:52] Laura: And that feels really good.
[00:10:53] Marisha: That does feel good.
00:10:54] Laura: Yeah.

[00:00:00] Laura: So we talked about self-care and self-kindness, and it's hard to have self-kindness if we don't start with self-reflection.
[00:00:08] Marisha: Mm.
[00:00:08] Laura: Right. Cause we have to think about where we're at. And there's a lot of research, you know how much I love my research.
[00:00:15] Marisha: Oh yes.
[00:00:16] Laura: About self-reflection. I think we know what it is, right? It's going inward, right. And thinking about things inwardly. And we have to think about kind of our thoughts. And we have to catch those thoughts, be mindful of what we're thinking. We have to be mindful of our feelings and what's going on in our bodies. And then we have to be reflective about the things that we're doing and make some space for ourselves to consider those things and why we're reacting the way that we're reacting.
[00:00:42] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:00:42] Laura: Like we've talked about before, remaining curious about those things and not being judgmental about what's going on. And I know we'll probably talk about mindfulness another time.
[00:00:52] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:00:53] Laura: But if we can reflect, have some self-reflection, there's a lot of research about how it improves our [00:01:00] emotional regulation. It enhances our learning because when we reflect on our own experiences, we can better understand our own learning processes and what we need to do to improve and develop some strategies so that we can be more effective in our learning and growth. It improves our problem solving abilities, our self-awareness.
It reduces burnout, which I know is like a key thing that we both wanna be able to achieve for SLPs. And you've done so much with SLP Now to give tools and strategies to SLPs. If we're not reflecting on where we're at with what we need to accomplish, then it's gonna be really hard to develop some strategies to deal with burnout and have that job satisfaction piece that I know we want.
There's a range of benefits, so that emotional regulation, the learning, the problem solving, increased self-awareness ,and reduced burnout. But while it's important, it can really be challenging. Have you found that it can be challenging to be [00:02:00] honest and objective and as caring for yourself as you are able to care for other people? Has that been challenging for you?
[00:02:08] Marisha: Just a little bit.
[00:02:09] Laura: A little bit.
[00:02:11] Marisha: No. It's been very challenging.
[00:02:13] Laura: Yeah.
[00:02:13] Marisha: I feel like that's a lifelong journey.
[00:02:17] Laura: Absolutely.
[00:02:18] Marisha: Honing that skill.
[00:02:19] Laura: And I don't think we ever stop learning
[00:02:21] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:02:22] Laura: About ourselves.
[00:02:23] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:02:23] Laura: And how to be better versions of ourselves. I would agree with that.
And I think for me, for a long time, I just felt so broken.
[00:02:30] Marisha: Mm.
[00:02:31] Laura: And I would get frustrated with myself.
[00:02:33] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:02:34] Laura: And I didn't want to be acting a certain way or reacting a certain way. And so by not embracing that part of me, I kind of pushed it away. And it would make it really hard to be self-reflective because I just wanted to avoid it.
[00:02:47] Marisha: Oh, yeah.
[00:02:48] Laura: Didn't want to go there. Like, Nope, I don't like that, but I'm not really gonna go there. I'm just gonna say it's his fault or her fault. Or the situation's fault,, or the job's fault, or the position, or the role, or [00:03:00] whatever it is. It's taken me a really long time to be kind to myself in self-reflection and just be gentle with myself as I think about where I'm at when I self-reflect.
It can be really hard to face some unpleasant, true things. None of us are perfect, and I don't always show up the way I want to show up. And it can be really hard to face those kind of unpleasant, like "Yep, I did say that and nope, I am not proud of it."
[00:03:28] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:03:29] Laura: No, that can be really hard. You have to be able to face those thoughts and feelings and actions, then it can be uncomfortable.
And if you haven't created a safe place, a space within yourself, to be able to do that, it can be really painful. I don't know about you, but I would get myself stuck in these patterns, and then I would just be like, yep, there you go again, Laura. You know, there you go again, doing that same thing that you've said you didn't wanna do, but you're doing it again.
[00:03:55] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:03:56] Laura: Does that bring up anything for you?
[00:03:58] Marisha: Yeah.
And [00:04:00] I'm curious. What does self-reflection look like for you in the moment? Do you have a daily kind of practice where you set aside time for that? Or is it more in the moment? How does that play out for you?
[00:04:14] Laura: In the past, I can't say that I was very self-reflective because I was so hard on myself that I would think about things after the fact. I would get myself stuck in these patterns of reacting. Without giving my self space to reflect.
[00:04:33] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:04:33] Laura: And so I think in my own personal growth journey, I've realized that I can give myself space in the interaction.
[00:04:40] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:04:41] Laura: And I can, I don't have to have the answer in that moment. I don't have to respond right then. I'm allowed to say I'm not really sure and I need a minute to think about that. I think I'm the type of person who in the past. And this is something I'm still trying to grow. Like I [00:05:00] wanna put like a perfect little bow on things and have it all evened out and worked out and be okay with it.
And I'm learning and continue to learn and grow in sitting in the uncomfortable sometimes when things come up and being okay with that and being okay with wherever I am. I don't have a work example that comes to mind, but I do have a kid example that comes to mind. My son could be a very good orator and debater.
And he knows that I would say that about him. And I love my son very much and he's very forceful in the things that he can say. And I find myself as a mom sometimes, wanting to have the answer and wanting to just give the answer right then. And there was a recent time where he wanted me to write him a note so we could get out of school early.
And my immediate reaction was, "No, I'm not gonna do that." And then I felt him starting to come at me with his words of all the reasons that I should do it. And I realized in that moment I felt berated. I was tired. We were headed to a [00:06:00] dinner with the family, and I didn't wanna be in this tired, overwhelmed space, but I had just worked a really long day, had an afterschool club with my kids, and I wasn't in a space that liked the berating.
And so in that moment I checked in with myself, realized what I was feeling and that I was being reactive to him. And I just said, "you know, I'm kind of feeling berated right now and I know this is what you want. I know I said no, but I'm gonna pull back that answer and I'm gonna tell you I just need a little bit of time. I just got outta work. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I need a little time to breathe before we go to this dinner. Cause I wanna be able to celebrate this person's birthday and be in a better space. Can we just table this? I will give you an answer later tonight, but I need some time and space to think about it."
[00:06:47] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:06:47] Laura: For me, that's like a huge growth journey for me, and it's a small example, but it's something I find myself doing more and more in my life where I'm checking in with what my [00:07:00] body's telling me. I'm not ignoring it. I'm not plowing through. I'm not just trying to provide an answer cause I feel like I need to.
[00:07:08] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:07:09] Laura: And I'm saying, okay, what do I need? What am I okay with? And then trying to communicate it in a loving, caring way and just saying, "nope, this is kind of where I'm at. This is what I need. I'll get back to you."
Developing that ability to give something space has been a huge part of my self-reflection, and not ignoring the signals that my body's giving me when I'm feeling anxiety or overwhelmed and just being okay with it and checking in with myself. " What am I feeling right now? Do I need something right now? Is this the situation or is this me? Is this my perspective of what I'm bringing on it?" Sometimes I take things and it's not how the person intended it, it's how I've interpreted it.
And so am I willing to say, "oh, [00:08:00] this is how I'm taking that. Did you mean it that way?" And giving the person an opportunity to either say, "yep, that's exactly what I meant," or actually, "no, it's not what I meant at all." So how about for you?
[00:08:11] Marisha: I have another question. Is the self-reflection process triggered for you when you're starting to have an emotional response?
[00:08:19] Laura: Yeah, not always.
[00:08:20] Marisha: What would start the self-reflection process for you?
[00:08:23] Laura: Actually I think it's embedded in my life. I have daily practices of thinking about how I wanna show up for my life.
[00:08:31] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:08:32] Laura: The type of person that I wanna be.
[00:08:33] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:08:34] Laura: The kind of love and care that I wanna have for the people in my life. And so for me, that starts first thing in the morning.
[00:08:41] Marisha: So setting that intention at the beginning of the day.
[00:08:43] Laura: Yeah. Of like the kind of person that I wanna show up for and being really honest with myself.
[00:08:50] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:08:50] Laura: Which can be really, really hard, you know, even in relationships where I know I'm loved and valued when I don't show up the way that I want to. [00:09:00] Being able to say, "I didn't show up the way I wanted to show up in that situation, and I'm sorry."
[00:09:05] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:06] Laura: Can I try again? Can I have a do-over? Can we start that again? Because that wasn't what I meant, or that came across this way and it's taken me a really long time to get there. So I think it's both, and I think it's thinking about how I wanna show up.
[00:09:20] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:21] Laura: The type of person that I wanna be. How I wanna love the people in my life and show up for work and my family.
[00:09:27] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:28] Laura: And as a friend, and then in the moments being really honest about if I am being that and knowing nobody's perfect and I can't be perfect.
[00:09:39] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:40] Laura: But it's taken me a really long time to get there. Yeah.
[00:09:43] Marisha: Yeah.
This is definitely an area of growth for me.
Where I'm currently at, I have a journal that I really love.
It has prompts that are really supportive for me in scaffolding my use of this [00:10:00] self-reflection. It asks me what my intention is for the day, what's coming up for me. I think those are the two questions that are most in alignment with the self-reflection side of things.
It also has a deeper dive weekly self-reflection where you dive into kind of like the thing that's coming up most over the week.
Like a gratitude practice is really helpful in setting the gratitude mindset for the days and the weeks and the months.
Having that self-reflection in my journal helps set that tone and helps make it easier to do that self-reflection in the moment, although, I have no clue what percentage of time I actually do the self-reflection. I put kind of a lot on my plate and I sometimes move really fast. Part of my personality too wants to [00:11:00] avoid conflict.
[00:11:01] Laura: Mm-hmm.
[00:11:01] Marisha: Sometimes, I make it to the end of the day. Whoa. All of these things happened.
[00:11:06] Laura: Yeah.
[00:11:06] Marisha: It's just at the end of the day or the end of the week, and sometimes it takes you even longer to really reflect on something that's happened.
[00:11:14] Laura: Yeah. That's a beautiful gift to give yourself too, to not feel like you have to have any answer really.
[00:11:20] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:11:21] Laura: But you just give yourself as much space and time as you need. To reflect on things.
[00:11:25] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:11:26] Laura: And being willing to enter that space. I think for me too, the emotional piece of it has been a huge part of the journey because I didn't have language for emotions and I was very uncomfortable with anything but feeling okay. So if I didn't feel okay, I just shoved it.
[00:11:44] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:11:45] Laura: Down.
[00:11:45] Marisha: And we'll get to talk about emotions in the next episode.
[00:11:48] Laura: Yes.
[00:11:48] Marisha: Which is exciting.
[00:11:49] Laura: It is one of the reasons that makes self-reflection hard.
[00:11:52] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:11:53] Laura: So I think it's important to like bring that up too.
[00:11:56] Marisha: Yeah, absolutely. And one other thing. I'm [00:12:00] still working on being able to reflect more consistently in the moment. I do sometimes, but more often than not it ends up catching up with me later.
There's a lot that I still need to explore there, but I've started building breaks into my day. I work full-time SLP Now with like little snippets working with students.
With both of those I have little intervals to check in with myself. I do try and do a little bit of self-reflection, build that into my schedule.
[00:12:33] Laura: That's great.
[00:12:34] Marisha: I help make sure that that happens because I know it's very important.
[00:12:37] Laura: It is.
[00:12:37] Marisha: I don't wanna unknowingly be carrying all of these things. So that's where I'm at.
[00:12:43] Laura: Yeah, it's a really good points cuz a couple of the other things that make self-reflection hard. I mean, we talked about facing those unpleasant
[00:12:50] Marisha: truths, the emotion piece. But two of them are lack of time.
Mm-hmm.
[00:12:55] Laura: And lack of practice.
[00:12:57] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:12:57] Laura: And I think building in those times, as [00:13:00] small as they might be able to be or need to be, to really be intentional. I mean, we have so much technology at our fingertips, right. We can put in reminders on our phones for anything.
[00:13:11] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:13:11] Laura: So building some of those things into the tools that we're already using can be helpful.
And remembering that it is a practice, like all the other things we explore on the podcast of gratitude and mindfulness and self-kindness. Those are practices and we don't have to be perfect. Being objective and having difficulty being objective about it can be another thing that can make self-reflection hard.
[00:13:36] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:13:37] Laura: So making sure that we are honest with ourselves, but also objective and kind, being okay with wherever we're at. Because it's okay. Wherever you're at.
[00:13:47] Marisha: Yeah. And one kind of statement quote that's been really helpful for me is that we are exactly where we need to be. We are exactly [00:14:00] where we need to be.
[00:14:00] Laura: Yeah. And we all do the best we can do with what we have when we have it.
[00:14:04] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:14:05] Laura: So I think sometimes for me, self-reflection would lead to looking back and having regret. Because I didn't show up in a way that I wanted to, you know, years ago.
[00:14:19] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:14:19] Laura: And it's taken me a while to learn it's not fair to hold "10 year ago Laura" accountable to the things that today Laura knows.
[00:14:28] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:14:29] Laura: And that's the same for all of us. We are all doing the best we can with what we know in the moment. And so we owe it to ourselves to be kind to ourselves and acknowledge we're doing the best we can and be okay with, if we don't show up the way that we wanna show up
[00:14:46] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:14:47] Laura: Say I didn't show up the way I wanted to show up, but it's okay.
[00:14:50] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:14:51] Laura: I'm still worthy of love. I'm still able to contribute. I'm still lovable and loved and cared for, and I [00:15:00] can show up differently and I can think about it and decide what I wanna keep and what I don't wanna keep. And we can change any time. It's part of the beauty of life of.
[00:15:09] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:15:09] Laura: You know, being able to grow based on what we're reflecting on and what we see.
[00:15:14] Marisha: Yeah. And how boring would it be if we had it all figured out?
[00:15:18] Laura: Oh yeah.
[00:15:18] Marisha: We want some of that drama in our lives. Right.
[00:15:21] Laura: It definitely keeps things interesting.
[00:15:23] Marisha: It would be so boring if we had it all figured out and even 40 years from now, we'll all still be learning.
[00:15:32] Laura: Oh, yeah.
[00:15:33] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:15:33] Laura: Absolutely. And you know, we all get stuck sometimes, but it doesn't make you broken.
[00:15:38] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:15:39] Laura: Yeah. You're just growing like the rest of us.
[00:15:41] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:15:41] Laura: That's okay. So be kind to yourself, spend some time reflecting if you don't find yourself having a regular practice, think about what that practice might look like for you.

[00:00:00] Marisha: Today we are chatting about self-care and what that actually looks like. And we could also frame it as self-kindness. What does it mean to be kind to ourselves. What do you think about when you think about self-care?

[00:00:16] Laura: It's such a great question. I recently came out of a year of really intense therapy, and I remember asking my counselor cuz it had come up and I realized that I kind of move really quickly and I push myself really hard and I didn't know what self-kindness was. And I asked her like, what does that even mean? And of course, like any good counselor, she said what does it mean to you? And she said, write that down in your journal. So I wrote down what does self kindness look like?
And went on a journey of just trying things out. We see it a lot on Instagram and social media, people with their glasses of wine and drinking that and watching Netflix, and I'm [00:01:00] not against wine or Netflix in any way, but I know for myself, I don't function well the next day after wine, so I have to be really thoughtful about when I drink it, if I drink it. So was that really kindness? And if I do sit and binge watch something, do I feel better after I'm done or is it feeding me in a way that gives me energy and the space that I need to be my best self? So I really had to try out like a bunch of different things.
What do you think of when you think of self-care and self-kindness?

[00:01:35] Marisha: A lot of the things that I end up doing are things for future Marisha, like setting up my future self for success. If I have a big day, I'll pick out the outfit ahead of time or I will prep my food or just do something to make my life the following day a little bit easier.
And one of my love languages is acts of service, so I end up doing that for [00:02:00] myself. And it's just like when I wake up and have the awesome outfit ready to go, I'm like, thank you, past Marisha. That was great. I appreciate you. So that's one thing that I really like to do if I know that I'm having a day that's stretching me or I'm just feeling challenged, that's something that' a general practice now. I do extra things when I feel like "ooh, tomorrow's a big day." So that's one thing that I like to do. And then that helps cuz I feel like we walk through life with a bucket. Let's pretend we all have a bucket and throughout the day we're pouring out that bucket.

[00:02:37] Laura: That's actually a children's book.
The bucket fillers.
[00:02:39] Marisha: Yeah, the bucket fillers. And I think that book is focused on kindness towards others.
[00:02:44] Laura: Yeah. I think it's the same kind of thing that you're talking about.
[00:02:46] Marisha: Yeah. Our bucket gets emptied throughout the day, and especially as school-based SLPs, there's a lot of things that we're pouring into. And by doing those things for my future self, it helps [00:03:00] make sure that my bucket doesn't get too empty.
And so that's a huge part of self-care, self kindness, self love for me. And that helps keep the bucket from getting far too empty.
But sometimes, I do need a little bit more. So to me that could look like reading fiction books. Oh. That is one thing that is a huge form of self-care for me.
And walking outdoors fills my bucket. Being in nature. Absolutely.
[00:03:30] Laura: We recently moved near the beach and it's a mile walk from my house and it's been such a gift.
I think something that you said made me think about as we go through our days, where we can get into these routines. And part of my routine is also taking care of tomorrow Laura. By getting my coffee ready at night, I fill my water bottle and I put it right on the bathroom sink so that yes, I can start drinking my water first thing in the morning.
And just doing those little things. But we can also get in routines where we're moving so quickly. We [00:04:00] don't get curious about why we do the things that we do. And when I was going through that with my therapist of, I was, when you're hungry, you eat right? You check in with yourself, oh, I'm hungry.
I need to fuel my body. But I wasn't checking in with myself emotionally. I was just plowing through.
[00:04:16] Marisha: Oh, yeah.
[00:04:17] Laura: So I think for me, some of that self-care and self-kindness was pausing to say, okay, like, how am I feeling right now? Is my body telling me something? That I need to step back or have a gratitude moment or just be mindful for a minute and just sit here for a minute and not try and get something done.
And just check in with myself can be a kindness to yourself too. And staying curious and not be judgemental towards ourselves. I know for a long time, like I could get really judgemental if I tried to emotionally cope with something with eating and then get on this negative track of how I felt about myself because I chose that. I was just trying to figure out how to do something for [00:05:00] myself and there's nothing wrong with that. We have to take care of ourselves so that we can take care of others and we have a bucket to pour from.
[00:05:06] Marisha: Yeah. Yeah. And I think that that reflection is key. And because sometimes the Netflix night with a couple glasses of wine, or however many you can tolerate, for me, it's probably less than one.
[00:05:19] Laura: Me too.
[00:05:20] Marisha: Sometimes that is truly something that can fill our bucket and maybe sometimes we'll go for a walk and that's not quite what I needed today.
[00:05:28] Laura: Yeah.
[00:05:28] Marisha: I don't know how often that has happened, but being curious and reflecting. There might be a season where walking just isn't as effective, or where Netflix isn't the self-care that you need or scrolling Instagram or reading. We go through seasons where we need different things.
And I think that's the key is getting curious and just because reading fiction is my current thing, that doesn't mean that Marisha three months from now will need that, or where that will be part of my regular self-care [00:06:00] routine.
[00:06:00] Laura: Yeah.
[00:06:00] Marisha: And then just because it works for me doesn't mean it'll work for you.
[00:06:03] Laura: Yeah.
[00:06:04] Marisha: And maybe it won't work for you now, but it will in the future. And so it's that constant curiosity and seeing what actually helps me feel better and what fills that bucket. And I don't think there's any one thing. Each thing that we do just fills our bucket just a little bit more.
It's not going to go from completely empty to full with one act of self care.
[00:06:28] Laura: Yeah.
[00:06:29] Marisha: So being mindful of that level and giving ourselves
[00:06:33] Laura: permission to take that time for ourselves. I know for me, like as a mom and a wife and someone, who has always worked maybe more than one job at one time,
[00:06:45] Marisha: like 50 jobs at once.
[00:06:46] Laura: Well not that many but a few. Pushing myself to exhaustion doesn't serve my family. And I missed that for a while. And felt selfish if I took [00:07:00] time for myself. And even kids can really come in and be your priority. And there's so many women in our fields and so many of the SLPs that I know are just such giving people, and they just give and they give of themselves.
And that can be a beautiful thing. But where are we giving from? Are we giving to earn our worth? Are we giving to prove our value? Are we giving just on this exhausted wheel, and then we're just falling into these patterns of scrolling or watching something and whatever it might be, and not like,
[00:07:35] Marisha: Why don't I feel better?
[00:07:36] Laura: Yeah. I did that. That's what I see people on Insta doing, but I did it and I'm still exhausted the next day. I don't feel any better
[00:07:46] Marisha: or worse.
[00:07:47] Laura: Yeah. Sometimes worse. I know. I know how I feel if I have too much to drink. And then I don't sleep well, and then I struggle to get up the next morning and then I am fighting that energy suck, and then I'm [00:08:00] trying to compensate with food and chocolate and coffee. You can just get on that kind of survival mode.
[00:08:06] Marisha: In the hamster wheel of just putting band-aids on.
[00:08:09] Laura: Yeah, exactly. So I think that, step back and putting some of those practices in where you're checking in with not just your belly's feeling of hunger, but emotionally, how are you doing. And giving yourself permission. We're a lot of busy women out there, so it doesn't have to look like an hour.
[00:08:27] Marisha: No.
[00:08:27] Laura: carved out of time. It can be a couple minutes here and there throughout your day.
[00:08:31] Marisha: Yeah. Taking a couple minutes to breathe in between sessions.
[00:08:35] Laura: Yeah.
[00:08:35] Marisha: Like just taking a breath.
[00:08:37] Laura: Yeah.
[00:08:37] Marisha: Or taking a moment of gratitude or,
[00:08:40] Laura: Yes.
[00:08:40] Marisha: Reading a chapter at some point in the day. We might not all get a full lunch break, but even just stepping away and eating while we're not working can be self-care too. It's the little moments that we can just keep pouring into our bucket.
It doesn't have to be a full spa day or,
[00:08:59] Laura: which [00:09:00] would be nice.
[00:09:00] Marisha: It would be nice. Yeah. But it doesn't have to be a full spa day or an extravagant vacation. I think the most beneficial things are just the little sprinkles that we give ourselves throughout the day.
[00:09:13] Laura: And we have to start by asking ourselves what will feed me?
[00:09:15] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:16] Laura: In a healthy way.
[00:09:17] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:18] Laura: That will re-energize me and help fill my bucket.
[00:09:20] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:21] Laura: How can I do that?
[00:09:21] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:09:21] Laura: Is what I'm doing working?
[00:09:23] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:09:23] Laura: Do I feel better after I do those things? Is there a hobby that you can pick up?
[00:09:27] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:09:28] Laura: Yeah. I started playing piano again
[00:09:30] Marisha: Yeah.
[00:09:30] Laura: Last year. So that is just such beautiful time for me.
[00:09:34] Marisha: Mm-hmm.
[00:09:34] Laura: And I might not be able to practice as much as I'd like, but even just five minutes if I feel like I just wanna sit and something about music, you know?
[00:09:43] Marisha: Oh, it's so therapeutic.
[00:09:44] Laura: Yeah. Crafts. Cricuters. We have so many talented SLPs who do so many different things.
[00:09:52] Marisha: Like knitting, crocheting, dance parties.
[00:09:55] Laura: Dance parties are good.
[00:09:56] Marisha: You can even have a 30 second dance party if you're having a [00:10:00] day, and that'll make a big difference.
I
[00:10:01] Laura: bet you your students would really like it too.
[00:10:03] Marisha: Yeah. And it can have lots of extra benefits.
[00:10:08] Laura: Absolutely.
[00:10:09] Marisha: Yeah. I love that.
[00:10:11] Laura: Yeah.
[00:10:11] Marisha: That's our take on.
[00:10:13] Laura: Yeah.
[00:10:13] Marisha: Self-care.
[00:10:14] Laura: Be kind to yourself.
[00:10:15] Marisha: Yeah.
Love on yourself a little.
[00:10:18] Laura: You deserve it.
[00:10:18] Marisha: Yeah. You do.
[00:10:19] Laura: You work hard.